Silver Handed Jet

[Jun. 22nd, 2009|03:06 am]

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Current Mood

pessimistic

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We do realize that I work weekends, right? And that I need two weeks notice to put in for time off, right? During the summer, it is nearly impossible to get time off even if I do give them two weeks notice. So I guess I'll see you Sunday for breakfast before you leave. Next time, tell me as soon as you know.

I really needed a weekend with you. I'm going to try.

6 comments

(no subject)	[Jun. 22nd, 2009\|01:20 am]
Note to self: When she's stopped saying it back, it's saying a lot.
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[Jun. 16th, 2009|02:05 am]

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distressed

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( Kitten OH HAI )

This kitten is available for adoption here :[ How can I possibly resist that face? Argh, must resist.

1 comment

[Jun. 15th, 2009|01:27 am]

[	Current Mood	\|	gloomy	]
[	Current Music	\|	Take it Back - She & Him	]

It's pretty ridiculous to think that a mixtape is going to impact someone as much as you want it to. But I remember a couple times when a mixtape shook up my world and made it better. Sometimes I wonder how people connect. I think that as I get older, human interaction is getting more and more foreign to me. In the span of my life so far I've gone from pretty good at interacting with other people, to terribly bad at it for a very long time. There was a blip recently where I started climbing back up but overall I think I'm right back on the sharply downhill road.

I'm certainly not saying that I need new friends, or more of them. The point is, I don't even begin to know how to make some if I ever needed to do so. I'm left to wonder if I just don't like anyone I meet or if they don't like me. It's even carrying over to online interactions. I think I come across as aloof and only the most persistent people manage to get past that. A few people at work have even called me 'stuck up.' Yes, because the quiet fat chick is always a stuck up bitch.

I've come to the realization that men are easier because in relationships I find them profoundly disposable. I've had lots of practice wrapping my brain around the notion that I can pine for one and then immediately shut down when it might be reciprocated. Women? I have had the most difficult time turning it off. And by difficult I mean that it's impossible. That being said? I'd like to be straight again, thankyouverymuch. But nooooo.

In unrelated news,

_franke_ -- I've utterly forgotten your face. Come and visit us or I will be forced to pack Caick in my trunk and drive to where you are.

4 comments

(no subject)	[Jun. 12th, 2009\|10:38 pm]
I want to drop off the face of the internet. One of these days, I'm really just going to start over.
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(no subject)	[Jun. 8th, 2009\|02:19 am]
If it's a race to not caring, I think I'm winning.
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[Jun. 4th, 2009|11:04 am]

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Current Mood

sad

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When I'm going into what I'm sure will be one of the most difficult, slow, torturous weekends of my life, I need to remember not to watch depressing movies. Hello, The Reader. Jesus fucking Christ. Sobbing. I seriously had to pause the damn movie to collect myself. I had fully planned to see that one in the theater and I am so glad I didn't. Dodged that humiliating little bullet.

Summer can be over now. And in other news: dream on, hosebeast.

1 comment

[May. 30th, 2009|10:07 pm]

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happy

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Paolo Nutini's new album Sunny Side Up is big band, Otis Redding, and weeping. I am weak in the knees. Sweet, sweet Jesus. There is something of everything. So much happy. SO MUCH.

(no subject)	[May. 26th, 2009\|09:40 pm]
Terminator Salvation was fucking epic. I read some articles on it though, and the whole issue with the ending. I kind of wish they'd stuck with the alternate ending. Here's the short article on it: Entertainment Weekly. Spoilers in the comments maybe.
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[May. 25th, 2009|11:28 pm]

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Current Mood

annoyed

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I'm going to be really fucking thrilled when the Twitter-as-political-movement laziness stops. Yes, that's right, quell your desire for activism with the least possible effort. In fact, why don't we quell all social needs with meaningless 140 character updates?

[May. 21st, 2009|08:08 am]

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Current Mood

satisfied

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I get the feeling that if I watched American Idol, I'd be pretty pissed off this morning. Instead, I'm incredibly satisfied with myself. The cats woke me up at 5am and before I went back to sleep, I sang a rousing rendition of "I'm an obnoxious little girl who sings at 7am every fucking morning and my mom won't shut me up." I sang until I heard my obnoxious next door neighbors get up and turn on the water for a shower. Heh. Heh. Heh. Gee, I'm not petty at all.

[May. 19th, 2009|01:12 pm]

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Current Mood

angry

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I am so fucking sick of business as usual. I receive a million emails a day telling me about special offers and deals. I don't believe any of them. I know they're all bullshit. But I figured I'd go check one out today at Sprint. I wanted to add a line to my contract. As low as 9.99 a month they say! Sure, okay, I didn't expect to get the 10 buck deal. But I was thinking maybe 15, 20, 30 even. No, I'd have to add $70 to my monthly bill. What a waste of fucking time.

And television. Get it for as low as $30 a month! Yeah, right.

I'm just tired of liars. I'm tired of liars who just because they don't understand that they're liars means that that makes them something else. IT DOESN'T.

[May. 17th, 2009|04:18 am]

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Current Mood

cynical

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Quite possibly the worst shift ever. Worst last few days ever.

[May. 17th, 2009|03:14 am]

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excited

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HOORAAAY!!! The filly Rachel Alexandra is the Preakness winner! Git it Gurl!

[May. 15th, 2009|01:10 pm]

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Current Mood

crushed

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This isn't going to work out. Why am I waiting?

1 comment

[May. 12th, 2009|11:40 am]

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Current Mood

hopeful

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Advance Tori Amos. There is just no describing this woman's voice or sensibilities. She will always be soothing and completely riling to me at the same time.

I am desperately trying to shut down, but I'm getting very bad at it. Is this a matter of growing up, or growing down? Is this just a person? I do not know how to balance the kind of fear and elation that this is giving me. Why? Because it always gets taken away, and the crash is not something to which I look forward. The whole "better to have loved and lost" thing? I've never believed that was true. It's generally better to just wear a fucking cup so you don't get your balls crushed. Proverbially--of course.

Meeting with a home loan person today. Not really looking forward to it, but I'll be thrilled to have a pre-approval letter so people will stop fucking asking me about it and we can buy a house that I'm not really ready to own. Grow up, grow up, Ene. Die faster.

1 comment

[May. 11th, 2009|12:58 pm]

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Current Mood

satisfied

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The Terminator series is kind of awesome. Yes, I'm on the 20 years late bus, but I don't care. Thank you Christian Bale for being in number four so that I was compelled to watch the first three. Awesome!

1 comment

[May. 9th, 2009|11:29 pm]

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Current Mood

devious

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So does it make me a bad person that I was disappointed when the Craigslist killer was captured because he hadn't killed you yet? Oh, probably.

1 comment

[May. 7th, 2009|02:05 pm]

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Current Mood

groggy

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I'm so into you
But I'm way too smart for you
Even my henchmen think I'm crazy
I'm not surprised that you agree
If you could find some way to be
A little bit less afraid of me
You'd see the voices that control me from inside my head
Say I shouldn't kill you yet

I made this half-pony half-monkey monster to please you
But I get the feeling that you don't like it
What's with all the screaming?
You like monkeys, you like ponies
Maybe you don't like monsters so much
Maybe I used too many monkeys
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?
----------------

It should disturbs me that I understand this song so much. And not just on a humorous level--okay, maybe a little humorous.

I have got to figure out a way to get through work this week that doesn't involve copious amounts of oxycontin. My back is still not talking to me since I did massive amounts of laundry on Sunday. I've even sent it flowers, but it won't pick up the phone. If I have to do something physical, I suppose I'll have to take a pain pill, but since last time I'm absolutely terrified that once I stop taking them I'll have a week of insomnia. Which is torture. Though I have to admit that Animal Planet has some cool shows that are more interesting to watch at 4 o'clock in the morning. I'm such an optimist.

3 comments

[May. 6th, 2009|12:28 am]

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Current Mood

blank

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Today sucked. I know people can't read minds, and I shouldn't expect them to, but it's getting more and more difficult to ignore the fact that soulmate material would be woven out of something stronger. I guess.

This week at work is going to be a titanic shade of suck.

I do not really want to buy a house. I do not really want to move into said house with my mother, resigning myself to taking care of her in her inevitable old age. I don't like thinking about my mother dying and what I might have left afterward. And I especially don't like doing it on my own. I want everyone to leave me alone, except the two people who actually are leaving alone.

Whine.